People in love make me want to vomit
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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