I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
