Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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