I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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