I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
