it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize