I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
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Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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