I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
