My liver just broke up with me...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
