I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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