at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
