u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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