Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
