How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
