I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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