I could make wine with my vomit
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
