I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
