Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
