the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
