btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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