That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
