I am puke
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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