I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
