I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
