Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
