why didn't you poke me back
Define "chronic" masturbator.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
