If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
