Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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