honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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