I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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