census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
