Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
