Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
