No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
