You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
