I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
