my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
