College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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