Cold hands, warm shart.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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