You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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