if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
