It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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