Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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