Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
