The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
this hospital has no fireball
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
