so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
