My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
