I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
