So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize