maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
