The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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