how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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