trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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