haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
