Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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