My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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