Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
