your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
