I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
