Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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