I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
