If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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