i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
